How to Get Unstuck
What's blocking you from taking action with changing something in your life (i.e., improving your health, cutting down/stopping your drinking, engaging more socially, exercising, finding a new job, improving your relationships) that you've wanted to do for a while? Maybe you're stuck in repetitive thought patterns (thoughts spirals, going down the rabbit hole) about why you should make this change, but you don't take action. Or maybe you've taken action, but life gets in the way and you're not able to sustain this change. This is all very common. Internal conflict builds and causes anxiety, stress, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, when we feel that we are not living a life that aligns with our values. The problem is, most of us are not aware of this! So, the question is, how do you get unstuck, unblocked, and get out of your own way to make the change AND sustain the change you want?!?!
At Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling, a major component of treatment is helping YOU identify YOUR goals. I provide short- term and long-term anxiety, depression and substance abuse treatment grounded in concepts of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This includes living by your identified values, acceptance of the difficult parts of your life, practicing mindfulness, challenging negative thought patterns, and commitment to taking action and changing the important things you want to in your life. ACT and CBT are proven and evidenced based treatments for anxiety, depression, stress reduction and can also improve self-esteem and emotional well-being. Here's the deal: we can identify our goals and that's great, but simply naming our goals only brings us so far. You need to take action in order to make a change, and you need to commit to your action in order to sustain this change. So how do you do that? Read more to find out.
Assessment: During initial stages of counseling, we will review your history, and identify intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) strengths and resources, and any barriers that you feel keep you from meeting your goals. We will understand your biography: your story; biology: how you're made; and your psychology: how you think, feel, and respond to situations.
Goal Setting: This is the fun part! We will review all life domains, (family, social and intimate relationship(s), work/education, personal development, physical and mental health, etc.) and we will identify life domains that score a high value for you, and how closely (or not) you are living by these values. This is an important exercise because you will see what's working and what's not working. We'll be able to identify the barriers and the resources needed to fully live by your values, which is your roadmap to forward.
Working through ambivalence: This is not going to be easy! We unconsciously and consciously defend our behaviors and inactivity and we identify so many external barriers to making change: I don't have the time, work is too busy, parenting demands, if I stop drinking, things will be boring, I used to be really good at (fill in the blank) and I won't be as good if I do it now. Stop! There are real external barriers, however, the biggest barrier is usually YOU and YOUR own thoughts. We're again going to review your goals, your values, and your commitment to making this change. This (re) commitment is a critical step, as you prepare to take action!
Taking action: Based upon all of the above, we will identify one life domain in which you would like to take action and discuss smaller steps towards meeting your larger goal. In between appointments, you will actively work on one of the smaller steps towards your larger goal. If you are not able to or do not take action, we will review any external and internal barriers that got in the way. We will work through self-limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, and develop a plan forward. This is the path towards sustained change.
Sustained change: Research varies widely on how long it takes to change your behavior patterns. Some research indicates it takes 21 days, while other studies indicate that it could take up to 3 months or longer because some behaviors are easier to change than others. Regardless of how long this will take, realize that many of our patterns and behaviors are condition responses, and as long as you are committed to this goal based upon your personal values, even with setbacks, you can continue to sustain the changes that you make.
Relapse and setbacks: Sometimes even after sustained change, we have relapses or setbacks. Maybe you got a cold and are sick, which impacted your ability to focus on your health and exercise. Or maybe work is busier, and you don't have the time to commit to your relationships in the way you wish you could. Or maybe you just didn’t feel like it. This does not mean that you need to start from the beginning, however, oftentimes people become wedded to the outcome of their change rather than the experience along the way and feel overwhelmed by starting over again. You don’t need to start over! Starting over repeats the entire cycle, which only reinforces those stuck feelings, and thought spirals. Challenging yourself to get back on track by taking and recommitting to living by your values is the next step, and allows you to get back to action, rather than shutting down, and getting stuck again.
The synergistic effect: Synergy definition: "The interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects." Making changes in your life that align with your personal values, and sustaining this change, will have a positive impact on other life domains that are important to you. Take for example, if you cut down or stop drinking, this will lead to improved mental health, an improvement in relationships, and an improvement in your health. Or if you decide to start exercising this will improve mental health, physical health, and possibly lead to improved social relationships if you decide to branch out into other physical activities with other people. This is positively reinforcing and leads more long-term sustained changes in other life domains.
You can feel better and make significant changes in your life that align with your personal values! I provide online therapy and counseling for anxiety, depression and substance abuse treatment in Mansfield, MA, and towns and community throughout Massachusetts.
Are you ready to take action? Want to learn more about therapy for anxiety at Whole Mind Therapy and Counseling? Contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we would be a good fit in working together.